I Want to Quit, But I Won't

This morning I felt excited about this new health journey that I am on. I felt empowered and energetic. I felt unstoppable and admittedly even a little overconfident in my "amazing" willpower. And then life happened. I found out that I had to make two important phone calls, one to my insurance company (yet again) and another to Costco who shorted me $100.00 in a refund. Both calls were stressful. Both calls had me waiting on the phone for a period of time. And both of my children have a radar. It's called the "I-can-tell-that-you-are-the-phone-about-something-important-so-I-am-going-to-fight-with-my-sister-and-yell-and-scream" radar.

It was after resorting to locking myself in my room so that I could hear the person on the other end of the phone, that my patience began to wear paper thin. I really felt my emotions exploding inside of me. This is a somewhat new experience for me. You see...normally as the stress keeps mounting, I typically head for the kitchen and immediately start eating whatever I can find in the pantry or fridge (i.e. chocolate, popcorn, chips, pretzels, or even some ice cream). Today, however, I have carrot sticks, celery sticks, an apple, or some strawberries. And while I do like vegetables and fruit, it just doesn't have quite the same appeal to calm my nerves.

So what do you do when you are hit with an emotional eating situation, but you have no junk food to binge on? Well...you have deal with your emotions. Seems simple right? But for some reason, a lot of people eat instead of confronting their feelings. I am one of them, but I am trying to change. Change is so hard, but it's harder to be in this heavy, unhealthy body everyday. So for now...despite the stress...I am going to choose to just breath slowly and deeply. I'm going to let myself FEEL the frustration and irritation that I am currently experiencing and then I am going to let it go and move on.

Day 1 Summary

Man is it hard to change! Yesterday, purely out of habit, I found myself standing in the pantry looking at all of the food on the shelves. Granted, I haven't bought any junk food for the past couple of days so there weren't any quick snacks. 

Yesterday was good and hard. In the later afternoon hours, that is when I struggle the most with over eating. I realize that this journey will have to be one that involves physical changes, emotional changes, and even spiritual changes. 

In some ways, I feel addicted to food. I don't know if you can relate to that, but if you can you'll know how hopeless it can feel at times. 

Someone who is addicted to say alcohol or cigarettes can simply choose to not bring those items into their home. I'm not saying that the withdrawal process would be easy, but at least you don't need those items to survive or to live. But food is an entirely different story. How can you go a day or a week without food?

About 1 1/2 years ago, I lost 70 pounds in about a years' time. I then became pregnant with our second child and regained all of it back.

The hardest part to losing AND keeping the  weight off is tackling the emotional reasons behind eating. I can count calories. I can exercise. But how do I tackle the demons in my mind? 

Stats

Weight: 199 lbs

Pant Size: 18

And So The Journey Begins

And So It Begins.....

Have any of you watched “Fat, Sick, & Nearly Dead” by Joe Cross? The movie inspired me. I am currently overweight (again) and I can’t stop craving sugar. Something has to change if I want to regain my emotional and physical health. This is where it begins. 

This is the food I’ll be eating for the next 5 days. I will then do a juice fast for 10 days.

Game Plan

Goals: 

15 days of Juicing Fast per Joe Cross’s Reboot website. 

Go to bed by 10:30. Get up by 7:00. 

KISS (Keep It Simple Stupid): The above goals are the only two goals I will be focusing on for the next 15 days. Afterwards, I will be evaluating my progress and making new goals for the next “leg of my journey.”

Overall goal: Improve physical & emotional health. I need to lose approximately 65-75 pounds. I’ll be focusing on exercises that won’t make my plantar fasciitis worse. I’ll also be focusing on working through my emotions rather than using food as a “drug of choice” to numb/deal with my feelings.

I will keep you updated on my day-to-day challenges and success. Wish me luck!!